I smell bacon!

So I drove down to LA yesterday to take care of some traffic tickets.

Turns out while I was in Texas, I missed a few traffic court dates. I am really pissed about this because I should have paid more attention to the dates, but alas I now have over a thousand dollars in fines from tickets I could have easily had thrown out. I was actually written like 4 tickets, and they were totally bogus. I was really looking forward to making fools of the cops who issued them too.

So either way, I drove down to the courthouse that was handling the speeding ticket that wasn't, and was informed that I could show up at the courthouse by 7AM and try to get into one of the 10 slots issued everyday. These "slots" provide you with an opportunity to have an LA County supreme court judge hear your case, and make a ruling about your fines and whatnot.

Now, I really don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to why I missed the court dates. I wish I did, but I know I don't. I could make something up, but I wont. The only thing I can do is hope I would be issued a new court date to challenge the tickets, and somehow get my ass out of this pickle.

Now, I know for a fact that two of the tickets are for failure to provide insurance. I had insurance, however could NOT find the damn card for the life of me. This is merely a $10 court fee after I show my proof of insurance to the judge, and it should shave a good $700 bucks off the fines...but again, I wanted to have these in the court the day I was challenging the officer who wrote them.

One of them was for speeding on the 57 freeway north. A complete ass of a cop pulls me over after I pass someone while heading for the 10 freeway exchange. I was maybe going 70 miles an hour (the accepted speed limit) at the point where he claimed I was speeding. So he lights me up claiming I was going 86 miles an hour, and proceeds to be a total prick when I ask him where I was when I was doing this speed.

This is bullshit, and I can prove it.

First of all, I was about 3 seconds from a stiff right turn with a 30 MPH Exit sign on it that I have taken a hundred times. This is one of those LA county off ramps where if you don't go the speed shown on that yellow sign, you'll end up lying upside down in a ditch. Anyone who has driven here knows what I am talking about.

You do not exit the 57 Freeway to the 10 Freeway at 80+ miles an hour. You sure as hell can't do it at anything over 40 unless your last name is Earnhardt. The section of freeway he lit me up on was the straight lip of the freeway right before this very hard turn. This is where I passed someone going about 50, so that I could get to the right exit (10 West) instead of being forced to go the 10 East because of his slow ass blocking me.

So I sped up to maybe 70, passed the guy and began my merry way to the 10.

By the time he lit me up, I was already around 55 and decelerating for the curve. This is where he and I began to come to a disagreement. When I asked him exactly where I was speeding he said I was going 86 when he lit me up. I asked him again if he was certain I was going 86, by radar gun or pacing (where they drive close to your speed and estimate your speed by eye) and he said he was "certain".

So I again asked him to tell me which stretch of road I was at while going this breakneck, speed and he said it was constant from the moment I passed the other car.

I knew I had him.

No radar clock, I knew it...and chances are he hadn't even followed procedure to properly estimate my speed at all. He eyeballed that pass, and guessed. He also decided to fuck with a guy who has had many police officers reprimanded and sent off with their tails between their legs for picking a fight with me.

Now, I wasn't pissed off yet. I knew he was just trying to get me to slow down and hadn't issued the ticket yet. Chances are, he really did think I was going that fast, and in his mind, he was in the right. Contrary to popular belief, police officers are actually human, mean well, and make mistakes.

So I took into account that I was about 2 miles north of a really terrible accident. I mean, terrible. Traffic had jammed up pretty bad and there were bodies everywhere, and a semi truck lying over the highway divider. I mean it was bad. Chances were, this guy was upset about it or it had him on uber prick mode. Whatever.

So I acknowledged that I did speed up when I passed the ther car, and tried to get him to understand that I was boxed in the wrong lane next to someone going nearly 50 miles an hour. I knew this because that other driver and I had played speed up, slow down passing for about a half mile before I deiced to pass him that way. When I did finally pass him, I was dead even with him in speed and my speedometer said 50. By the time I was in front of him, it was 70.

I thought that maybe he would see that if the other guy was going so much slower than the speed limit, and I suddenly reached it in passing, that it could LOOK like I was going faster than I was.

Nope, he was gonna be a prick.

Not only did he begin to write me up for speeding, he began to hoot and holler at me while I looked for the insurance paperwork. He was about as rude as it came, and I know the difference between rude or sharp, controlling and assertive. He was being a dick.

So when I saw that he wasn't going to catch on, I knew it would have to be another courtroom wedgie for this Dewy Dumbfuck.

Me: "What the fuck is wrong with you man, you having a bad day? You pissed because some idiot was speeding back there and caused that accident?"

Dumbfuck: "No sir, the issue here is you exceeding the maximum speed limit."

Me: "Ah, but I didn't and you know it. You also know you didn't clock me with a gun, and that you have a dashmount on that cruiser that shows the speed I was really going at."

Dumbfuck: "Take your citation, now."

Me: "Okay bud, but before I take it you make sure you show up on that day and make sure you bring that dash mount tape. I am gonna make a fool out of you for being a jerk."


So I took it, and planned to give this guy a serious ass whoopin in court....only to have my ass sippin' sweet tea by a pool in Texas when I should have been there.

Arrgh!

So either way, I hope to get this court date re-scheduled. I really got a hankerin'for pork sirloin!

PS: It has been argued by some that I shouldn't ever talk to police officer in this way, however I should stress that I, in fact, never treat any officer of the law with anything but the utmost respect...until they prove to be morons. Once they do that, they are merely a human being with a badge. They deserve the same treatment as anyone else. You can not be arrested for calling a cop a prick, or telling him to kiss your ass. Believe me...I have told many an officer to kiss my ass with no harm done.