Cooking: 101

I don't know if I've touched on this topic before, but I'm a damn good cook.



I'm not a chef, though. I don't pretend to use that title without at least a degree from an establishment of culinary education, let alone years of understudy and experience in a restaurant. These things are what make the title of chef mean something. It should be respected, but a lot of people who are a whiz in the kitchen, slap that monicker around like it's theirs -- just because they know how to poach salmon or something.

No, I'm just a damn good cook.

I have things I focus on. I don't do a lot of baking, so breads and pastries aren't usually in my repetoir. I find myself fascinated by very different cultures and styles of cuisine. I grew up in one of the most diverse cities in America, and was able to experience a lot. I've got a Cajun and German culinary heritage to start with. My parents were both in the hospitality industry at one point, and my father trained to be a chef. My mother, a very accomplished home cook, did most of the meals from Monday - Saturday...but my old man was the king of Sunday Brunch.

The Bates family Sunday breakfast/brunch table was magnificent. He was the master of pancakes, waffles, french toast, omelets, bacon, sausage, and real biscuits and cream gravy from scratch. There was an art to doing it right, and the payoff was so worth it. You'd wake up on Sunday morning and find a table covered in a sea of treasures.

Most mothers have mainstays in their kitchen. There are a good dozen or so dishes most accomplished homemakers can keep items stocked for and whip up with confidence, and great results. At least that's the impression I got from growing up in the South. I mean, neighborhoods in Texas smell amazing around 6-7 PM every night, but my Mom had a lot of those neighborhood kids coming over to our house for dinner regardless of what their mother was making.

Either way, I was fortunate as a kid. My folks let me into the kitchen early, and I was rewarded with the experience and introduction to lots of different foods. I've recently begun to make some of the Mediterranean and Middle Eastern dishes my folks would churn out as I was growing up. These have been so delightful to dive into, screw up, tweak, and perfect. The smell of Pakistani curry and ginger chicken with a rice pilaf (a house favorite) is so unmistakable. I could smell it down the block riding home from school on my bike. When I smell that dish in my home now, it brings back so many memories.

Smells and tastes are so much a part of my memory, surpassed only by music.

I'm also rewarded by a very appreciative wife and kids. My wife in particular, has been enjoying the curry dishes lately. She claims the Pakistani Chicken and my Chili are in the running with some of her favorite dishes from her mothers' s kitchen, and I've eaten my mother-in-law's food; that's saying a lot. I remember making stuff for myself or friends and sure, the payoff was a good meal and some nice words. With Kayla, I can make things so good the payoff ends up being a lot more interesting...so it's fun.

I have to admit I grill the best steak I've had outside a steakhouse, and my Chili is the stuff of legend. When I am long gone, they will still sing songs about my Chili to children all over the world. I swear you've never had a sandwich till you've had one of mine, and there's a roast duck and spring vegetable quiche I make that will make you slap yo' momma.

I've also begun compiling all these dishes I know into notebooks. I am very seriously planning the outline and focus of a cook book, and I think it could be good -- hell, even great. I don't really know a lot about the cook-book business, but I know there are a million of them published every year. It might just be for my own enjoyment, but I think this could be a lot of fun. I wouldn't even consider going into the restaurant business. I mean, that's nearly financial suicide -- but there was a point when I lived in Monrovia, CA that I almost took a job as a cook. I look back now, and kinda wish I did. If anything, for the experience of short order cooking.

I'm always impressed by diner cooks who can manage a massive griddle and stove covered in the countless items of over a dozen simultaneous orders. That's just awesome. I also find myself coveting the commercial kitchen dodad's and gadgets they get to play with. There's a restaurant supply shop in town that I would choose as the first place to have a shopping spree. We got this steel table there, and I try to make sure most of my utensils and kitchen tools are, if not commercial grade, at least close.

I mean, have you ever seen one of those cool apple peeler's?

Of course, why the hell would I have one in my house? I mean, it's not like I make apple pies every day. If I owned a pie shop, sure...but why would any sensible person who doesn't have a regular need for peeled apples go off and buy one? huh?

I'll tell you why....it's because the damn thing is so cool!

And don't get me started on knives or cutting boards. I drive my wife nuts with them. Or mixers! Man, I have been wanting to get one of those KitchenAide mixers for ages. I wanna put a flame job on it like Alton Brown, the Food Network guy. I saw his and knew instantly that he had the ultimate badass kitchen toy around -- and I wanted it yesterday.

Oh man, I've just rambled on about food for what seems way too long. Believe me, there's a reason I'm a big fat guy. I don't have a glandular problem, a "slow metabolism", or genetics to blame for it. No. I just freakin' love food.

And I'm a damn good cook.