I Break for Cops...

I love the police.

Seriously, my kids are raised to respect our men and women who protect us and keep our streets clean. I have always believed that officers, and their families, sacrifice daily for our peace of mind. In my life, I have oddly been pulled over more times than any human being should be (long story) so I've been able to meet more public servants than you can shake a stick at.

You shouldn't shake sticks at public servants by the way.

Especially Bakersfield Police Department officers. They'd think it was a gun and shoot you. Then once they'd found out it was a stick, they'd plant a gun on you. Then they'd shoot you a few more times to report that you were still resisting when they came up to remove your gun. Then, they'd stick you in their jail, where the guards would beat you to death again. Then they'd leave your dead body in a cell for about a week. Then they'd come in and tell you they'd mistakenly released someone else on bail in your name, and that you were free to go. Their mistake. Then they'd have you sign some paperwork to get out, and shoot you dead again when they mistook your pen for a grenade launcher.

Then you'd wanna buy one of my shirts like yesterday.

By the way, Kern County Sherrif's Department officers totally kick ass. They just don't literally kick your ass. Or do it as often. Or with as much malice, lack of provocation, bullets, and porno-moustaches.