AP Wire: State of the Union Tragedy

WASHINGTON: Immediately after President Bush's closing remarks at the 2006 State of the Union address, Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) lashed out violently in the aisle, eating the face of Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX). When authorities were unable to subdue the raging Senator on the house floor, House Security staff were forced to utilize a tranquilizer gun.

"The effects were minor" stated Dr. William Ramsey, Senator Clinton's personal physician in an interview later. "She takes large doses of tranquilizers nightly so as to inhibit any movement in bed when former President Clinton attempts marital relations. The mixture used by security merely slowed her down enough to contain her wrath." He was later joined by hospital officials where it was revealed that Senator Clinton is expected to recover fully from the events.

No report was given as to the extent of Representative Sheila Jackson Lee's injuries, however Democratic National Committee chairman, Howard Dean, commented in a related press conference that "Sheila sticks that monkey face of hers in every shot she can when it's a National TV event. This was for the best, really."

[AP Wire]