This puckered my ass, people...

I was just about to go to bed. The 2:00 AM broadcast of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno came on. You know this one, it's where they repeat the episode from the previous week or so.

I'm a huge Van Halen fan. Everyone knows this. I proudly beat the drum of this hair band through every grunge and alt/pop bubblegum era of music since. I think they owned, and that Diamond Dave was the man. Sure, Hagar was a kickass guy you wanna drink tequila with and rock out to...but David Lee Roth was something supernatural.

He released an album on 6/6/06 that...okay just watch it, but understand that I was literally cringing in my seat, trying to peek between trembling fingers and groaning through the whole thing. I kept trying to change the channel, but I couldn't keep away! I'm still crammed into some hole of misery, empty and somehow violated. It's hilarious and utterly so humiliating at the same time. You watch his face, and....oh I can't bear to even talk about it anymore.

I'm not kidding. This literally had me curled into a ball...screaming in agony. Ask Kayla.