Five, Six, Seven, Eight...

Someone asked me to share a story about a happy moment in my life. I decided to write about the time I "wowed" a crowd.

Actually, I've done that a number of times since because I'm a loudmouth who stumbles into weird social situations where I'm just suddenly in front of a few hundred people and they're either looking for entertainment or I'm just looking to have some fun at their expense. That or it's my dirty little secret obsession with Karaoke. If you know me, you know this kind of stuff happens around me all the time with no explanation.

This time it was different though. You see, I worked at this club and the way it fell into place was reminiscent of one of those Hollywood moments at the end of every teen movie ever made. You've seen this scene, trust me. It's where the lead character does something at the end of the film that makes the crowd go wild.

In fact, this happened in such an eerily similar way to a very popular movie I still laugh about it. (see if you can guess, lol)

You see, the boss had hired a band for the night and they were quite good. Seriously. Lots of classic country and southern rock, with a handful of AC/DC tunes tossed in for good measure. They had fantastic harmony too. I'd been working behind the bar happily tapping my feet as the club filled up...when suddenly the music just didn't start up after the last song ended.

I looked up and the guitarist had blood running down his pants. Turned out he'd just cut his wrist on a mic stand as he fell backwards adjusting his amp. The lead singer (a tall guy with a hilariously oversized cowboy hat) immediately wrapped his bandanna around the wound and rushed him out the door. And I do mean rushed.

Everyone was standing around looking at each other. There was a rustling of chairs as the patrons looked around for their things, assuming the night's festivities had ended abruptly. I looked over at the end of the bar and saw the look on my boss' face. She was normally a very pale woman to begin with, and the platinum "Dolly Parton" hair added to the effect, but this was different. It was a big night for her, and this was a big crowd. We'd been running a little slow lately so I know she had a lot riding on tonight...maybe even our jobs.

So, I rang the bell.

You see, we had this bell behind the bar. It was really a tool we used to get the patrons to yell "yee-haw!" every couple of hours (this was Texas after all) so it was extremely loud. Everyone snapped around as I came out from behind the bar and ran up to the stage. I took the microphone and asked everyone to stay in their seats. I then uttered a sentence that literally sank my own stomach to the floor. I remember the moment I said it. It was like a breath you squeeze out after you've had the wind knocked out of you. You know, that moment when you're kinda dizzy and floating? I looked right at the crowd and said:

"Don't worry folks...I might be able to fix this."

Now the funny thing about this band was their drummer. The guy looked JUST like Chris Elliot the comedian. I leaned in as he and the rest of the guys in the band looked right at me with this "say what?" kind of look on their faces.

Me: "I can swing a pretty mean axe guys, lets get a few more songs out and we can make sure you guys get paid."

Drummer: "[disdainfully] 'Swing a pretty mean axe?' What are you kidding? Dude we're done for the night."

Me: "No no no, come on I know you guys know some Eagles tunes and how bout some Creedence? We can totally rock out on standard classic rock and country all night. How 'bout some Hendrix? It's what you guys do anyway."

Bass Player: "Hey man, [Singer's Name]'s run off too. He also plays fiddle."

Me: "Well I can sing enough, and you guys all sound good. We can handle this. I don't play fiddle much, so we'll just skip those songs."

Now, they were already a good 30 minutes into a 2 hour set. Understand that your average cover band in Texas can whip out enough classic rock to fill an entire night from memory, and with ¼ of the set done, they were already grooving along. I convinced them somehow to let me look at the set list and I knew a lot of the songs. They also had a fake book right there on top of the amps! (a fake-book is a large collection of music, lyrics, and chord charts for popular songs) Eventually they all shrugged and gave it a shot. That's when I picked up the abandoned Strat to the sound of laughter.

From a lot of people I knew.

Okay...if you know me...you know I've now hand a band of my own, and you probably know (all too well) that I'm a big ham who never misses an opportunity to get on a stage. The thing is, other than a few impromptu performances with friends, at this point in my awkward teenage existence, I hadn't ever really played in front of anyone; let alone taken the lead of a band I just met and hadn't ever played with before. I can't stress how ball-shakin' terrified I was, and the laughs didn't help.

Me: "Okay, okay...everyone have a seat. Yeah yea, give us one song. I got a little somethin for ya."

Now you're not gonna believe me, and quite frankly I don't give a shit, but one of the songs they had on that set list was "Johnny B Goode" by Chuck Berry. I mean, okay, Deloreans and Plutonium aside, this is THE universal anthem of Rock & Roll. You could play that tune in the middle of a rice paddy in North Korea and those people are gonna drop what they're doing and dance. It was perfect, so I asked the drummer and he nodded okay, slapped his sticks together in time, and it was on.

Did we rock? You bed your ass we rocked! Were we perfect? Hell no. Did we finish an entire 2 hour set? Yeah, 2 hours and then some. I even slammed out some tunes I'd never played before. It was glorious, and the feeling I felt that night stays with me. In fact, it comes right to the surface every time I have to speak in public or perform. That night changed my entire outlook on life, and took a relatively boring teenager and turned him into a glory hog who couldn't get enough of the limelight.

Eventually I tamed him a little, but he's still in here rockin out.

Highlight of the night: AC/DC's "You shook me all night long"