Orange Oink....

So today I got to piss off some cops.

Now people who know me, know I'm extremely respectful to police officers because I run into them often and hell, lets admit it, they deserve respect. The thing is, I also know a lot of cops personally, and have a better understanding of them nowadays as a result of these relationships. I'm reminded quickly nowadays that they're human beings...and human beings can be idiots.

So I should say up front that I'm not itching for trouble, but if you're gonna try to intimidate me, you should understand that I get off on making ANY authority figure swallow humble pie.

Today I met Dewey Dumbfuck and his partner the Cisco Kid. A pair of beat cops harassing me for taking pictures in a local public park. That's right. A City Park.

I have found that National Park Rangers and State Highway Officers seem to be more enlightened than most city cops when it comes to the law and riding your ass with it. I suppose it comes from endless free time spent reading. Good for them. Either way, they'll all jump at the opportunity to piss in your post-toasties, so it helps to be prepared - especially if you have a nice camera in public.

These dipshits asked me whether or not I was a commercial photographer. This question floored me because I would need a permit if I were on anything other than public property. I immediately looked around and saw the sign for the park. I answered their question and they asked me to cease shooting.

Me: "Yes I am a commercial photographer."

Dewey Dumbfuck: "Well then you're going to have to put that away."

Cisco Kid: "Yep."

Me: "No, I'm going to keep shooting. I'm on public property and there is no Orange County ordinance requesting any permits to shoot here. Thanks."

Dewey Dumbfuck: "Excuse me? Did you not hear me?"
[it was at this point that he put his hand in front of my lens. Big no-no. Christ himself doesn't touch my lens!]

Me: "I suppose you want to be poor, eh? I could use the money...you wanna try that again?"

Dewey Dumbfuck & Cisco Kid: "What?!"

Me: "Poor. As in, 'impoverished' as a result of me suing your ass into poverty."

Dewey Dumbfuck: "I didn't touch your camera..."

Me: "Because I stopped you. Come any closer to my expensive camera officer and I'll file assault, coercion, false imprisonment, and theft charges against you and junior over there."

Dewey Dumbfuck & Cisco Kid: [back up. both grab their belts, Dewey calls for backup and Cisco puts his hand on his night stick.]

Dewey: "Sir you're mistaken and threatening me with a lawsuit is not the best idea."

Kid: "None of these people want you shooting them. They don't want you taking pictures of their kids."

Me: "So you're asserting that you have the legal authority to take my camera directly or indirectly by threatening to use force and your powers as law enforcement? You do understand I can have you both thrown in jail for that right? That constitutes a criminal offense. I'm not a lawyer and I know this.

You DO have the right to keep me away from areas where I can get in the way of police work. If I impede your activities or endanger safety, you can tell me to get out of here. If you arrested me as a result of not following your orders, you could THEN confiscate my camera with a court order. However, you do not have the legal right to prohibit me from taking photographs in a public place. Specifically, THIS kind of public place. This is a City Park."

Dewey: "You're wrong...."

Me: "Oh am I? If that lady over there hid herself in a place where she had a reasonable expectation of privacy like a dressing room, restroom, hospital, or something like that - sure. Those are public places too, but they have constitutional precedence saying I can't just shoot them there without permission. A PARK, however, is the very example of a public place. It's the example they use when legislators write laws, about public law. They use sentences like 'such as a city park'."

Cisco Kid: "What about the tripod?"

[Now this is where I was impressed. He actually knew about the existence of 'tripod laws'. He was straight out of the police academy I tell you!]

Cisco Kid: ""You don't need a permit if you're not a commercial photographer but I can see from your equipment that you are. Handheld cameras are allowed without a permit, but you're shooting with a professional setup."

Me: "Your status as a commercial photographer has nothing to do with what equipment you use, but rather what you do with the pictures. I know a wealthy hobbyist who can bring equipment that makes mine look like Fisher Price. More importantly, there are no tripod laws on the West Coast. That's a NY City ordinance. I guarantee there is no civil or municipal code prohibiting my shooting here. Check into it.."

[By Jr's logic, I could march a bevy of models and assistants onto public land that DID require a permit, (like a city owned theater or something) stage anything I wanted and photograph all day as long as I did it with a handheld camera. and didn't use a tripod. I could then sell the photographs to anyone I wanted with impunity. PS; I was holding a handheld camera.]

Dewey Dumbfuck began to speak into his shoulder for a few minutes while I continued to shoot. By this point, some people were very interested in what was going on. I did use my size and body language to control the cops earlier and they had fallen for it. It would only last for a few moments though since they're trained to take control of situations. At the moment though, I had them at a distance while they checked to see if I was right. My answer came in a few clicks.

Shoulder Walkie Talkie: "CCCHHHT! 'He doesn't need a permit to shoot in a public city park.' CCCHHHT!"

[I think the best part was the tone she used when she said it. It was very 'duuuuh' and it seemed to have a sigh at the beginning]

Me: "Hey you wanna come stick your hand in front of my camera again? I'm kinda short of money at the moment and I'd love to drain your pension."

Cisco Kid: "You know we probably would have left you alone if you weren't acting like a jackass."

Me: "Jackass? Fuck you piglet! Me and these nice people were getting along fine. You harass me and its somehow my responsibility to be patient when the police don't know the law? Fuck you buddy. You came to ME. What...you've solved all the crimes in town this morning? No more junkies and gangs? Fuck you and your partner!"

Dewey: "Sir, you will not speak to us that way!"

Me: "I sure as fuck will. I have every right to call you whatever the fuck I want. You really don't know the constitution of this country do you?! Here...smile for the camera!"

And with that, they were off. I think I heard him mumble "asshole", which was spot on.