To boldy go where no one has gone before...

Okay, so I can't sleep.

I've already posted like 10 times tonight and I just can't sleep.

It doesn't help that I saw a commercial for Enterprise and it got me all wound up for some trekkie nerd-site surfing. But of course, 90% of all the sites are merely temples erected in homage to Seven of Nine and T'pol, by 14 year old dweebs who can type html with only one hand free. Go nerds!

Yes, I am a Trekkie. Like my father before me.

Jesus H. Christ, I just affirmed my Trek obsession with a Star Wars spoof quote...I think that just guaranteed I'm going to hell. Oh well. I got your alien wessle right here, bub.

Okay...sorry...I got it bad, alright?

I love Star Trek and hate it at the same time. Yes I understand that this is the tragic tale of a dork with an obsession, and while I try to pretend to NOT be so sucked up into it...I am. I would love for this post to me short and sweet; but it aint. I'm a Trekkie.

Oh, lets get that land mine out of the way shall we? Trekkie is what we always called ourselves as kids in my household. I never heard the term "Trekker" until I heard about the debate between Trekkies and Trekkers. Quite frankly, I actually get laid on a regular basis so I would like to think I don't engage in such trivial matters but then again...who am I kidding.

I'm merely a dorky ass Trekkie who happens to gets laid.

Now the question is, does frequent sexual activity remove the deep mist of nerdboyfanitis? Does getting your knob polished on a regular basis translate into a deeper understanding of the Roddenbery universe, by somehow removing you from that quasi-utopian bliss thus giving you a perspective from the outside in? Does something happen to a nerd who suddenly stops whacking off in his parents basement to fantasies of science fiction lore? Does it change you when you enter society (albeit sarcastically) and kinda grow up?

Was Wesley Crusher a Nancy-Boy?

Of course! As sure as there are banana clips in engineering, there is clarity that comes from detachment. The opposite of love is not hatred folks, it's indifference. If you can detach yourself from some tangible or intangible thing that you hold very dear, live outside it's continued influence, and then stand up to it and it's previous stronghold, you will so own that thing which controlled you! If you are reading this and wondering if I am indeed, some obsessed Trek fan I say -- worry not. My detachment started around season 3 of Star Trek: Voyager.

Of course I could easily admit that I am still hooked. I still enjoy Star Trek: The Original Series, The movies (some of them), the Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, the Books, The comic, the lunch boxes...I love this stuff man.

But then comes along the end of season 3 for Star Trek: VOYAGER, or as I liked to call the show, 7 of 9 and the Voyager Crew. Only on UPN! This was amazing. It all started when someone at paramount reallly liked Jeri Ryans' breasts. They liked them so much in fact, that hey kept that woman in a corset and form fitting uniforms for years to come. Thus was born, the second spawn.

The second spawn are the kids that Paramount knew they wanted to focus on. These are teens, tweens, and young people even up to my age -- who had never followed the show. They fill a demographic that sells commercial spots and buys video games. These people needed more 7 of 9, and they needed it yesterday!!! The season was already in production and changes needed to be made. The first results are back and 7 out of every 9 nerd-boys gets a half-chub when she jumps out of that alcove. She scores so high with this group the numbers are off the charts. So in comes a new borgload of scripts, specifically targeted for the demographic that counts; teenage boys.

Funny, I seem to remember when the Voyager crew didn't need 7 of 9's nano-probes to get their asses out of a jam every week. Also, I seem to remember when they didn't need 7 of 9's nanoprobes to get their asses out of a jam every week!

Wait, a minute.....WTF????

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........*

Thus began the detachment. I didn't even watch the last few seasons, and when I did show up to pay my respects for the final episode of Voyager...I actually changed the channel to watch something even more meaningless as soon as I noticed that (gasp!) the plot was entirely based around this one-dimensional novelty character.

Oh yeah, that's how you win an audience. Take a television show that is based on an ensemble cast and never use them anymore! Right on Rick Berman, you swell think-tank-mogul, you!

Okay, so I then drug my ass to go see Star Trek: TNG -- Insurrection. Oh my, this group of really cool actors actually showed up for this script. I'm telling you, the plot to that film would have been considered a weak plot for an episode of The Original Series! Maybe even one they might have cut and never planned to show. Good lord that was sad.

But detachment really helped a lot. It kept the "pain" and "anguish" all of these other Trekkies felt -- at bay. I was merely annoyed, if that, and I never even developed a serious desire to go and check out these new video games coming out with the Starfleet insignia on them. I read an occasional article about them sure, I'm still an IT nerd ya know, gotta read the trade papers.

So here I am, a Trekkie with nothing Trekkable to dress up and fondle my Bat'leth to. I come to accept this over time. I come to the inevitable conclusion that George Lucas doesn't give a rats ass either, so I decided cold detachment was the only way to go. Anything else, and I would begin to really get pissed off about people screwing with my childhood toys and traipsing through my memories, yadda yadda yadda.

I was expecting a new Transformers movie to come out any moment with Pauly Shore voicing Optimus Prime. I'm telling you, I was lost in a sea of very dark cynicism folks.

Then what's this? What do I see? What the hell is Scott Bakula doing in space? Is that a Vulcan? WTF??? This show is set before the period when humanity got that stiff pipe up its ass and became the social equivalent of Kenny G song? You mean before utopia, when we still cussed, smoked, screwed, and farted our way through the galaxy? This show will be about the first time they meet these aliens? No way, too cool to be true. They'll probably stick some hottie in it to balance out the potential coolness.

Oh yeah, there she is. But wait, this is before the Vulcans became so perfect? You mean they lie, cheat, and steal in this? Oh hell yeah. Man this is juicy stuff. Show me the Klingons!!!!

So my detachment is still in my pocket, but I have opted for optimism.

So two seasons have gone by, and I think they're on an okay track...but its wobbly. They're fighting for ratings like Voyager did and they're doing it for the same reasons. The demographic that watches Star Trek is either asleep after a LAN party, working at the local comic shop, or just not near a television when they air the show. They keep bumping it around, and we all know this generation can't handle the responsibility of having to keep up with shit like that.

So I see them taking this back towards shaky "Danger Will Robinson" territory. They have already played out this sexual tension between Archer and T'pol enough. They're gonna have to pull a big "Ha'DIbaH" out of this transporter to change the direction of what is clearly a grasp ar ratings. STAR TREK RULE #413 You can let Star Trek characters have sex, just don't let the Captain really get it on with anyone in the crew.

The Picard / Dr. Crusher relationship was about as perfectly played out as could be. There was a little something, but that was it. We enjoyed the looks, the flirts, and the knowing glance of a starship captain who, once upon a time, plowed his chief medical officer in righteous fashion...but never acknowledges it specifically or fantasizes about it in a dream sequence we have to watch.

So here we come again, to season 3 of Enterprise. This is a pretty big deal for all of these Trek shows. If you go to the StarTrek Homepage you'll see that they all had a pretty big swings in story arcs, visual effects, and/or character development. Will this season bear fruit to the labor of all the people who have already churned out a pretty interesting show? We'll see.

As for me, I have begun to get a little excited about the whole affair. I haven't seen a nano-probe in years and I'm just fine with that.

Shit, sorry about all that. I have NO idea where that came from.

Oh yeah, misspent youth.