The schmuck takes one in the ass!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!

Does everyone remember Captain Dipshit?

Feel free to just open the archives to their beginning, and read. I started blogging while working with this ignorant fuck, and subsequently suffered a tremendously un-fun firing at his request.

To make a long story short, asshole sucks at his job so I get hired to do a very specific set of duties that he cant handle. Asshole is part owner of company, and son of the man who holds the money. Asshole whines and cries to the people who hired me -- whines enough that they eventually relent and give him what he wants. On top of putting me in a financial sinkhole, asshole makes it look like I was fired because I sucked at the job I was hired for.

Wanna send me into fits of violent rage? Do what this guy did.

I spent long, blissful hours dreaming of beating the tar out of this worthless prick, and even though you would think I'd have washed my hands of the whole affair by now -- I couldn't. See, when tax time came around Captain Dipshit just sat on my 1099 paperwork. We'd play phone tag, he'd swear the paperwork was on the way, it never came, yadda yadda yadda.

This game went on for months.

So, I'm down here in LA...I figure what the hell. I'll physically go and get the paperwork. Besides, I would love to see the guys at 4 Wheels Connection. The sales staff and everyone else were great. Hell, this would be fun.

And indeed, I was looking forward to it until I came over the freeway exit and saw the dealership was empty.

No cars. No desks. Nothing.

Locked and lights out, the entire building was empty. I'm standing outside fuming, and very close to kicking down the door when I suddenly notice a foreman waving at me to move. I turn around and see a bulldozer between me and my truck. Suddenly, it comes to me.

These guys were JUST about to start bulldozing the 4 Wheels building when I got in the way. They wanted me to move. Oh, well is that all? Sure just go ahead and run over the place. Chances are the only way I can find these losers is with the help of the police....yeah go ahead....

...Then I see him.

Captain Dipshit and his brother are sitting about 100 yards away. On the curb. He looks like shit, and wait a second...is he CRYING?? Yes he is crying, and where is his Lexus? What's this piece of shit Dodge Caravan parked behind him? Oh, this I gotta investigate;


Me: "Andy*, I'm here for my 1099 tax paperwork. I've been calling for months man and I still haven't received anything. I was hoping you had it in your desk, but I'm assuming it's not in there anymore?"

[*Captain Dipshits' actual name -- like I give a rats ass about his privacy anymore?!]

Dipshit: "No, actually we've lost everything. We're closed, as you can see we're about to lose the location too. Your records were lost, and we don't even know if your employment was on record to begin with."

Me: "Say what?"

Dipshit: "I've got good news, you don't have to report the income to the IRS because we're not gonna report that we paid you."

Me: "So even the Arizona location is closed? You guys are done for good?"

Dipshit: "What does it look like to you?"

Me: "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Now, that's where the nice guy in me would immediately forgive Captain Dipshit for screwing me over and try to console the man after he's apparently lost everything. Unfortunately for him, people screwing me over like this is EXACTLY what has made me a jaded cynic with a mean streak a mile wide.

I danced, crying tears of joy from the endless fits of laughter. I danced a jig and laughed in his face, people! Life is so sweet! I swear my cheeks hurt for hours after I left I smiled so damn hard. The evil bastard got it in the end. That stupid prick eventually ran his company into the ground, and I was there to watch him crubmle like the walls of that building.

Oh, revenge is a dish best served cold, baby. There is no greater reward than being there to watch that go down. (Of course the nice Tax cut is welcome too!)