Real Men of Genius...

This is real...it's very difficult to fake this kind of idiocy. This is a real letter e-mailed to porn star, Ron Jeremy, requesting his involvement in a product endorsement. This is really funny stuff.




From: Pino Balducci 16:53:35 11/06/2002

Hey Ron, how's it hangin' my man... listen, I got a poposition, I mean a proposition for ya... I got plans to introduce a line of BBQ sausage, in two flavors, mild and somewhat spicy, and hot, not *too* hot, you understand, just good Italian pork sausage, made the traditional way. I think you'd make a good spokesman for the sausages -- we could put your picture on the package.

I can see it now... "Duro sausages -- made the old fashioned way." Of course, our sausages will naturally be longer than normal, and I think this will be a good selling point. We would also need a picture of your dick, not for the ad, but so we can size the sausage casings -- I'm thinking about 9" would be close, but we want the sausages to be spec, so if you could just plop it on a
ruler and take a picture, that would be perfect. Of course, if we *really* want to be exact, you could come down to the store and we could wrap a hog casing around your unit to serve as as a prototype, but it's not necessary.

We make our own casings, by the way, not too many do it anymore, and we have a contract with a bakery in Brooklyn that will make custom buns that we can sell locally. The sausages we would freeze and ship anywhere in North America. As for marketing, I was thinking of something like, "Duro Sausages -- it's not how long you make it, but how you make it long." We want people to be able to serve our products with pride, while having a few laughs at the same time. You know, like, "This is a Ron Jeremy approved sausage, official size and weight," that sort of thing. I think it'd be popular with the guys, and the girls, well, maybe they'd clue in, maybe not.

For sure guys would get a kick out of watching the girls eat 'em. We're also thinking of going into jerky, but that's a niche market and we've only just started the research...My cousin Sal is a marketing major, he has a few wacky ideas, he thinks we should use synthetic casings so the sausages don't curve, so they would look more realistic, more like the "real thing," but I said no, we want authentic, we want the size and thickness, but it's got to be all-natural ingredients.

It would be nice if the real thing had a curve, like that guy who you were in a movie with once, where you had this Volkswagen Beetle that let you travel in time, can't remember the name. Come to think of it, Mikey or whatever his name was, had a curve that was maybe a little too pronounced -- it looked weird, not something I'd want to put in my mouth -- that's *if* I was into that kind of thing, which I'm not. Naw, forget the curve idea.

Sal also had this idea where you could come down and we could have this big BBQ to kick off the product line, and we could hire some girls, and you could stand around with your joint in a sausage bun, with mustard, sauerkraut, the whole nine yards, and the girls could pretend to nosh on it. He wanted to have the fake grill markings and everything, like the frozen burgers they fry up at the college cafeteria. I said no way you would go for that... Sal's still in his first year, like I said, his ideas are a bit over the top -- in fact, I think he gets carried away sometimes.

Anyway, Ron, if you could get back to me, I'm at (CENSORED)

Pino Balducci From [CENSORED], NY, USA