Callers are standing by...

PBS sucks.

Seriously, they have gone off the deep end - and I used to be one of their most avid supporters! Never before in the history of Public Television have the broadcasts stunk up the airwaves so profoundly. To add insult to injury, the savvy execs who run PBS actually know what good television is...

...and they use it against us.

Think about it, when was the last time you tuned to PBS [other than the early morning educational slots] and saw something truly amazing? To be more specific, when was the last time you turned on PBS and found something interesting enough to keep you tuned in for more than 10 minutes? I'll tell you when the last time was...

...it during was a PBS Telethon, that's when.

Obviously the program directors of Public Television have vaults of really amazing stuff that you ONLY see pulled out when they're asking you for money! It seems as if 90% of the time, they're running some quilting bee special that's the television equivalent of NyQuil! Now I understand, it's viewer-sponsored television. I understand it's a privilege, and I also understand that their children's programming is second to none in quality and content. Fine, I can accept that. My children benefit from Public Television, and I see the direct effects of their hard work.



But for the sake of people who don't enjoy British dramas or social commentary shows run by geriatrics, I say let loose this awesome stuff! For me, it always drives me nuts when I'm flicking through the stations and I suddenly fall on a PBS concert series during telethon week. That's what gets me because they'll show one of my favorite artists, in some really intimate setting, and I'll feel more energy and fresh perspective on that artist, from that one show, than anything you can catch on Cable or Broadcast television.

But when I tune in my PBS station any other time of the year, I get the lesbian modern dance instructor in a hard hat, a leotard, and a rainbow patch -- twisting her extremely uninteresting body into all manner of "artsy" poses in the middle of the construction sites that comprise the new school of dance she will be teaching in. [no kidding, this was like last week].

Oh yeah, I'll take that over U2 with like 200 people, taking requests -- any day!

The production quality and pure "Gotta tune-in" programming for PBS is there, just check the website. You'll find tons of content that if you stumbled across it while say, watching a cable station, you would make it one of your new favorite shows. PBS has the ammunition to OWN the airways with really quality broadcasts, but they've fallen into this pattern of peek-a-boo television.

I'm not the first one to say this either, but I think it's gotten worse over the years. It's as if they aren't even trying to hide this fact anymore. Telethons are now the SuperBowl of Public Television. You're expected to sit around with a VCR ready to record because they won't show this amazing stuff again till the next year's telethon -- all while telling you that you should support them so they can CONTINUE to bring you this amazing stuff...

...that they never show!

PBS could dominate the airwaves within numerous timeslots and genres. They have the stuff. I'll show you:

The Travel Channel Has:

Numerous shows that never really show you how anyone actually gets around and enjoys things. This has to be one of the most boring channels in the history of Television. They literally have no idea what they should be doing, or they're just an outlet for the Travel Industry. In other words, they're a big brochure -- only even less animated.



PBS has:

Quite possibly, the most enlightening travel show ever. You follow a number of hosts across everything from the exotic to your own backyard. They show you where to stay, where to eat, dangers, adventures, and REAL experiences that are worth your time, and they account for different levels of budgets. They have traveled to many of the places I have been, and they aren't showing you the tourist crap (unless its cool regardless). These people make you want to go somewhere, and if it were broadcast as an entire channel it would blow the Travel Channel out of the water. Hell, if it was just shown more often and not at 3:00 AM it would be wonderful!


MTV & VH1 have:

Are you kidding? These channels don't play music anymore. Especially live music. On the rare occasion that you do see something that isn't a sappy documentary or a lame reality show, you're getting the music industry's hand-fed product. In other words, they're churning out crap for the machine.


PBS has:

Without a doubt, the best live venue ever put on TV. The stage at Austin City Limits has hosted everyone from The Cure to Stevie Ray Vaughn. Nowhere else will you find Suzanne Vega and Willie Nelson trading an hour of time. Nowhere else will you see such a new perspective on established and new acts. It's awesome, but they only show it at 2:00 AM if you're lucky!


The Food Network Has:

This is kind of hard, because you see I love the Food Network. It's quite possibly my favorite channel. Might sound odd, but then again I love food -- take one look at me. The thing is, while this is my favorite channel, I can't stand another minute of Rachael Ray. This woman is either hopped up on every chemical made by man, or she was just born wired. I think honestly I wouldn't mind if they didn't run her 4 different shows ALL DAMN DAY LONG. She's apparently convinced the execs there that she's amazing, or the cocaine just keeps her working so they keep rolling film until she passes out.

Either way, the real hero of the Food Network is Alton Brown, of "Good Eats"

This man, made this network cool. His special "how & why this works" as opposed to "just do it cuz I say so" approach to cooking, combined with his love for gadgets and more effective ways to do things better, makes for a really fun show people flock to. He teaches you the dynamics of something, and how NOT to screw it up. This rocks.


PBS Has:

Now while I'm an Alton Brown junkie, I've been an America's Test Kitchen fanatic longer. This show, while not as flashy, takes this concept even further. They test ACTUAL BRAND NAME PRODUCTS, and tell you if they suck. They try it all; cheap, expensive, useless, brilliant, you name it. They also manage to cook up some of the best damn food I have ever tried, and this scientific/consumer reports style show makes you feel at ease when trying something new. It's all "Relax, they had 30 people screw this up on purpose before they got it right" -- If only they ran it more often!


NBC, CNN, & FOX have:


Complete and total dominance of the Cable News arena. Why is this you ask? Well, 24 hour coverage, thought provoking commentaries, and pretty good journalism would be a good guess. They're also a little sensationalistic. Okay, very.

PBS has:

Now as a public television fan, it's supposed to be commonplace to support National Public Radio, but I do not. This is because they swing SO hard to the left that it's hard to swallow at times. What really makes them so strong though is the sheer number and quality of journalists they have at their disposal. PBS has something like 13 different News programs, which could easily be transformed into something competitive for the cable guys. They already have the premiere international and world news coverage anchored in their corner.


The Learning Channell has:

Okay, now we're entering territory where PBS would have to step up significantly to compete. The Learning Channel is the king of Home Improvement entertainment.


PBS has:

But there should be something said for these old standards. While they may have been the pioneers, and they aren't as flashy as the new shows and their designer hosts, they are established and respected. They also have a TON of programming in this segment. If PBS would hire some PR people, some fresh designers, and just keep a Public Television approach to home improvement, they could compete in this highly lucritive market and do well.


Bravo has:

Obviously, Bravo is doing very well. They decided to just come out of the closet, and now they're reaping in the benefits of a culture interested in all things gay! Of course, they also provide James Lipton's hilarious show (i'm always laughing at how seriously the actors take themselves) and Dave Foley's "Celebrity Poker Showdown", which has proven to be a lot more interesting than anyone expected.


PBS has:

Hello?

Musical theater, modern dance, and show tunes? Did somebody call PBS's rarely aired "Great Performances"? Yeah, while it's not exactly my cup of tea, this is the premiere Arts & Humanities channel people. There isn't another network that can come close to sheer juggernaught that Public Television is in this arena. C'mon, PBS was the first channel to even air a gay couple!!!