My kids the critics...

George Lucas, watch out. Oliver and Charlie have it in for your ass.



[Overheard while watching Episode III on DVD]

[pretty early on]
Oliver: whaaa? R2D2 can fly?
Charlie: Daddy, he fwy!?
Me: Yes...in this movie.
Oliver: He doesn't fly!
Me: Well, he only flies when George Lucas wants him to.
Oliver: R2D2 does not fly.
Charlie: No fwy Daddy.
Me: Yeah, I...I know. Man, I love you guys.

[During large battle scene]
Oliver: Is this a movie? It's like a cartoon.
Me: Yes, this is a movie.
Oliver: This is just like all the other ones.
Me: Well it's better than Phantom Menace.
Oliver: No. It's the same. Where's Darth Fader?
Me: Vader...he's coming. Well in the end.
Oliver: The end? How long.
Me: A while. You see, he's still good. When he's bad he's Vader.
Oliver: Fader is bad? Who's Fader?
Me: Vader, and yes. You know this. Him. [pointing to Anakin]
Oliver: He's Darth Fader? (incredulous)
Me: (sigh) Yes.
Oliver: (laughing at me like I'm kidding) He's too skinny!

[enter the wookies]
Oliver: Chewbacca!
Charlie: Cooobaaakaaaka!

[Anakin is seduces by the Dark Side]
Oliver: He cries a lot.
Me: Yes.
Oliver: Why is he sad?
Me: Well because he wants to be good, but he doesn't know how.
Oliver: What? He's crying! (hands make a "what's up with that" motion)
Me: Yeah I know. Just watch the movie. You'll see lightsabers soon.
Charlie: Witesaberwws!

[ANY Anakin & Padme scene]
Me: Sit back down.
Me: Be quiet.
Me: I'm gonna turn this movie off guys, c'mon it's Star Wars.
Me: Sit down.
Me: Guys, c'mon it's STAR WARS! You love Star Wars.
Me: Sit DOWN!

[Windu / Palpatine fight]
Oliver: (Pointing to Palpatine) He's not very good. He's losing.
- Begins to impersonate Palpatine's....rather odd lightsaber grip.*

[Near the end]
Vader: [On Screen] Nooooooooooo.....!
Oliver: (miming with creepy hands) Noooooooo...!
Charlie: Aa-dah siwwee Daddy.
Me: Yeah, Vader's silly.

[credits rolling]
Charlie: Dat moovie scawy Daddy.
Me: It was scary?
Charlie: Yes.
Me: What part was scary?
Charlie: [scrunches face, trying to say his name] Daff Aa-der scawwy.
Me: Nooo...he's not scary.
Charlie: He big.
Me: Yeah, and he's mean bu...
Charlie: You big too Daddy.
Me: Yes, I am. I'm bigger than Darth Vader. You don't have to be afraid.
Charlie: Awite. But Daff Ader BIIIG Daddy.
Me: I know. Did you like the movie? Did you like Star Wars?
Charlie: No. It siwwy. [gets up and impersonates a robot being silly]**

* Which does look rather like a plumber with a plunger. I just didn't notice it as much until Ollie pointed it out. Turns out (after watching DVD special features) that Lucas decided to let the not-so-spry 64yr old actor, Ian McDiarmid...do the stunts at the last minute. He'd never trained with a lightsaber, and wasn't exactly an old pro. Apparently my son is one of those "little niggle" fanboys.Dude, that rocks.

** Okay, that last bit wasn't exactly critique of the movie...but I just love the way she says things are big and heavy.

- By the way, it should be said that my kids are HUGE Star Wars fans. It's the only live action movies they will actually sit through. Well, except the Anakin / Padme scenes...but who can blame them? Either way, I just think thats super cool.