Michael Bay Must Die...

Okay, we've had some good times you and me. I thought "The Island" kicked major ass, and had the best car/flying motorcycle/insect, chase ever. Right behind that is Bad Boys II. I mean come on...a H2 crashing through Cuba. That was friggin awesome!

And I mean hell, I know Pearl Harbor and The Rock were pure shit but Armageddon was craptastic. I loathe each moment and cherish every frame at the same time. It's like a double cheeseburger with fries. It's terrible for you to love it, but you have to because you're an American and this is the shit they shovel to us en masse.

Yeah, everything was fine. Then you became a worthless cocksucking, head-up-your-ass hollywood troglodite cocksucker punkbitch, nancy boy, Mr. Michael Bay.

You've played with my fragile little nerd emotions long enough dammit. I've been incessantly biting my nails over the announcement that Peter Cullen would be the voice of Optimus Prime and then it came out as true. I considered sending you a fruit basket I was so happy. I didn't know what to do. I thought "oh man, how cool. This guy who makes really great action movies is gonna be true to the memory and content of the Transformers. That's great."

Then this "leaked" photo surfaces.

You had better be throwing us a big red herring or maybe this was an elaborate market survey idea? Either way, Optimus Prime is a damn Kenworth K100. Get your shit straight. We'll let you guys turn Superman into a queen, Godzilla into an Iguana, the Fantastic Four into a school house rock special, and we'll even let you guys get away with making that god-awful Scoobie Doo movie...

...but this is Optimus Prime we're talking about.

Stop screwing this up Bay. Just give in to us fanboys. We've been cornholed enough and you're holding the "Holy Grail" of 80's pop culture in your hands. Be careful.

PS: Paramount, don't bother suing me for posting this image. I'm a small fish and you guys all smell like tuna anyway.